In memory of someone that is dear to me.

Jenny Weller, a retired missionary who has served the Lord faithfully for her whole life, died on August 15th 2008.

Many missionaries has spent their whole life serving the Lord, but Jenny is special to me. She is the one whom I know personally, and she have meant very much to me in my spiritual journey. Last friday Jenny has passed away peacefully in the ambulance on her way to hospital, and I am deeply saddened by the news.

If it isn't the Lord planning, Jenny and I would never meet. We were from different generations and of different cultural background . She has gone through the second world war when she was a child. Her childhood ended when she had started working at the ages of 16 or 17 to support her family. Then the Lord called her to Nigeria to be a missionary teacher for several decades. After her retirement in the 90s, the Lord brought her to the Guildford Chinese Christian Fellowship in the 2002. She first came to the fellowship as an invited speaker for the Wednesday fellowship meeting. The summer of that year saw the departure of a pastor couple to China. The Lord then brought Jenny in, and since then she was there until her death.

In her house, the photo-frame stands all of her photo taken with brothers and sisters in the fellowship. I still remember once she has shared that even though she didn't marry and bear no child, the Lord has given her many spiritual grandchildren, and the people in the photo, and many others in the fellowship are her spiritual grandchildren. I was one of them.

To me, she is my spiritual grandma. She is a good listener. I still remember on one occasion, I was emotional down and wandering around the town centre. In the end, I end up in Jenny place, and she pray for me. Like a grandma showing her love to her grandchildren, her lovely smile always encourage me a lot.

Jenny has helped me to serve the Lord in many many ways. She has a genuine concern for people.

Two weeks before when I went back to Guildford we have a chat, and she looked healthy at that time. We have talked about my life in Cardiff. She has also asked if I have read the book that she has given to me. The book is still in my bookshelf. And this is our last talk.

So Jenny went back to the Lord. I did not cry. My life still carry on as normal. But I know that in my heart she will be greatly missed, and always be missed. Her legacy will remain in forever in my memory.

For she has already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for her departure. She has fought a good fight, she has finished the race, she have kept the faith. Now there is in store for her the crown of righteous, which the Lord, the righteousness Judge, will award to her on that day - not only to her, but also to all who have longed for His appearance. (2 Tim 4:10)

Habbakkuk 3:17-19

雖然無花果樹不發旺、
葡萄樹不結果、
橄欖樹也不效力、
田地不出糧食、
圈中絕了羊、
棚內也沒有牛．
然而我要因耶和華歡欣、
因救我的神喜樂。

Though the fig tree des not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will rejoice in God my Saviour


(Habbakkuk 3:17-19)

Owing to my new job, I have moved to a new place, and left the fellowship where I have been for almost 6 years. For the past 3 months I went back the fellowship occasionally to visit my girlfriend. Perhaps the fellowship, like my spiritual life at this moment, is lacking of vitality. We are looking for a breakthrough, but the breakthrough is not coming.

The above verse from Habbakkuk has translated into a Christian song, and I was touched by it. Even though the works that we have done seems to bear no fruit; Even though we are working hard but seems to go to nowhere; Even though we are expected something great from God but the great things did not happen; I will keep waiting and rejoice in the Lord.

Destiny, and the book of Hebrews.

Today I have spent an hour visiting Borders and Waterstone, hoping to see if there are anythings worthy buying. There was nothing interesting, but when I was about to leave there was a title that have caught my eyes. It was the autobiography of Benzair Bhutto, a Pakistan former prime minister who was assassinated few weeks ago. I haven't read through the book, but the opening sentence in the first page of the book sound deep.

'I didn't choose life, life has chosen me.'

Destiny is a fancy word. When we fix our thought on the our 'destiny', it gives us a sense of purpose. But, do our destiny exist and are we destined to do something? This is an interesting philosophical questions that perhaps some brighter mind would know the answer.

Yet I believe for Christian, we have our destiny from God that we can't escape. Jonah is an example, so as the prophet and the man of faith listed in Hebrews Ch11. 'These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect' (Hebrews 11.39-40). We are included in God's plan, as same as those people of faith.

The book of Hebrews is my most favorite book in the New Testament. It always reminds me to fixed my eyes on Jesus instead of the material things in the world. There is a lot of encouragement and teaching in this book to strengthen my feeble arms and weak knees so that I can continue to run the race marked out for me in faith.

The following is something that God want us to be when we followed him.

• We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away. For if the message spoken by angels was binding, and every violation and disobedience received its just punishment, how shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? (2:1-3)

• Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus, the apostle and high priest whom we confess. He was faithful to the one who appointed him, just as Moses was faithful in all God's house. Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself. For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. Moses was faithful as a servant in all god's house, testifying to waht would be siad in the future. But Christ is faithful as a son over God's house. And we are in his house, if we hold on to our courage and the hope of which we boast.(3:1-6)

• Therefore since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine with faith. Now we sho ahve believed enter that rest. (4:1-3)

• Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have on who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (4:14-16)

• Therefore, let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgement. And God permitting, we will do so. (6:1-3)

• Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (10:19-25)

• Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witness, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance for the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfect our our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (12:1-2)

• Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. (12:12-13)

• Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire". (12:28-29)

Sometimes in our life, we cannot choose what to happen in our life. There is no counter-factual or 'what-if' question. We can choose how to live, but there are many imposed settings in the world that we cannot alter. What we know that is if we are a Christian, God has chosen us and we are destined to live a life that is worthy of His calling. So let us fixed our eyes to run with perseverance the race that has marked out for us.

君子之交淡如水

君子之交淡如水，小人之交甘若醴。君子淡以親，小人甘以絕。

「君子之交淡如水」，意謂君子以心相交，交情如水般清淡；
「小人之交甘若醴」，則謂小人以利相交，交情若酒般甘爽。
君子相交以心，重情輕利，不會有利益衝突，關係故能長久；
小人相交以利，重利寡情，一旦有利益衝突，關係便告破裂。

據說在唐朝貞觀年間，名將薛仁貴在尚未得志之前，與他的妻子同住在一個破窯洞中，衣食無著落，完全依靠王茂生夫婦的接濟。後來，薛仁貴參軍，在跟隨 唐太宗李世民御駕東征時，因薛仁貴平遼功勞特別大，被封為「平遼王」。一登龍門，身價百倍，前來王府送禮祝賀的文武大臣絡繹不絕，可都被薛仁貴婉言謝絕 了。他惟一收下的是普通老百姓王茂生送來的「美酒兩罈」。

一打開酒罈，負責啟封的執事官嚇得面如土色，因為罈中裝的不是美酒而是清水﹗「啟稟王爺，此人如此大膽戲弄王爺，請王爺重重地懲罰他﹗」豈料薛仁貴 聽了，不但沒有生氣，而且命令執事官取來大碗，當眾飲下三大碗王茂生送來的清水。在場的文武百官不解其意，薛仁貴喝完三大碗清水之後說︰「我過去落難時， 全靠王兄弟夫婦經常資助，沒有他們就沒有我今天的榮華富貴。如今我美酒不沾，濃禮不收，卻偏偏要收下王兄弟送來的清水，因為我知道王兄弟貧寒，送清水也是 王兄的一番美意，這就叫「君子之交淡如水」。此後，薛仁貴與王茂生一家關係甚密，「君子之交淡如水」的佳話也就流傳了下來。

Believe

I believe in the sun, even if it does not shine.
I believe in love, even if I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even if I do not see him.

- written by a young Jew on the wall of the Warsaw ghetto.

When the words become few

One thing to bring up the conversation with your friends is to find something in common. However, if someday this common issue has finally disappearred, are there still anything left for conversation that is able to go beyond the surface?

There is nothing to talk. Sometimes it is because you don't know that person, but sometimes it is because you know that person too well, that your question has became redundant; sometimes it is because you have lost interest or don't have the strength to reach out that person, but sometimes it is because you are too interest with that person that you don't know where to start and what to talk.

Your mouth keep shut, sometimes it is because people keep on interrogating you, sometimes it is because keep on bombing you with their words.

An awkward moment is when people are silence during the meal. Yet this situation normally happen when people are inviting someone to their house for meal, instead of having the meal outside in a resturant. It is understandable. If you are the host, you have to concern about cooking, washing dishes, or other petty issue, so that you cannot concentrate on conversation with others. Besides. If you don't want to talk to the others, you can choose to leave the table or to move arounds using many different excuse. However, if you are in a resturant, you are free of domestic duties, and thus able to concentrate on enjoying the meal as well as conversation in a more relax way. Besides, there are no excuse for you to keep moving around or leave the table. So many times I prefer to have coffee or meal outsides with my friends.

When you study economics, there are two approach in handling the economy. State-planning is where the government will plan the appropriate economic policy that they think the best in the society. Free-market approach is to let people to made their decision without state-intervention, in a belief that private decision are the most efficient one as people will make the best decision out of the constraint they face. The former approach is from top to down, or the latter from down to top. This also apply to the political system, such as choosing the head of government. Democracy is from down to top, whereas appointed successor is from top to down.

The above seems a digression. Yet the underlying philosophy when there is an informal chat in a group. Should the conversation be from down to top, i.e.,that people should chat with others in a spontaneous ways without any prior agenda. Or should the conversation befrom top to down, that the conversation should be within a certain format and guide towards a certain direction. If you are out spoken, talkative and extrovert, the former approach will suit you better. If you are introvert, then perhaps the latter from is better for you.

Sometimes we keep silence, perhaps is because there is nothing that's worth talking. What you are going to talk, someone has already spoken it before. There is nothing new under the sun.

Sometimes we keep silence, perhaps is because there is nothing that you no longer have any passion, conviction and commitment towards something. There is nothing to preach, so it is better to be in the cave.

耶利米哀歌 4, 5

黃金何其失光．純金何其變色．聖所的石頭倒在各市口上。
錫安寶貴的眾子、好比精金、現在何竟算為匠手所作的瓦瓶。

耶和華發怒、將他們分散、不再眷顧他們．人不重看祭司、也不厚待長老。
我們仰望人來幫助、以致眼目失明、還是枉然．我們所盼望的、竟盼望一個不能救人的國。

耶和華阿、求你記念我們所遭遇的事．觀看我們所受的凌辱。追趕我們的、到了我們的頸項上．我們疲乏不得歇息。我們投降埃及人、和亞述人、為要得糧喫飽。這些事我們心裡發昏．我們的眼睛昏花。

耶和華阿、你存到永遠、你的寶座、存到萬代。你為何永遠忘記我們、為何許久離棄我們。 耶和華阿、求你使我們向你回轉、我們便得回轉．求你復新我們的日子、像古時一樣。

(耶利米哀歌 4:1, 2 16, 17; 5:1, 5, 6, 17, 19-21)