Fellowship Prayer Meeting

There are so many reasons to convince me not to go to the fellowship prayer meeting. Will God answer our prayers? Is it just another function? Sometimes it is quite depressing and discouraging when you have found out that you were the only one there, and I will lament that the watchmen in the fellowship were all gone. Sometimes, prayer is just like speaking to the air. Sometimes, I don't know what to pray for; Sometimes I don't feel that the Spirit is there. Sometimes, I just simply don't want to open my mouth.

Today, given that I haven't done my quiet time properly and has lived a boring life for quite a few days, I therefore had a strong desire, and I have planned, to skip the prayer meeting. Yet in the end, I felt a bit guilty to stay in the office while the prayer meeting place is only 2 minutes away from me. So I went, and I prayed.

Thank God that He has brought me back to the prayer meeting. The meeting went on as normal, and nothing special or surpise happened. Yet this is the mircalous power of prayer. I stop wrestling with God, at least for a moment. And a voice was whispering in my heart (or a sentence has came across my mind), saying - And where there's doubt, true faith in You.

Indeed there are so many little things in life that God has revealed Himself to me and I can give thanks for. Today, I have dropped a £10 notes from my pocket, and someone in my back have picked it up and returned the notes to me with a smile; My father has called me in the afternoon. We have a good conversation and have resolved some issue regarding my financial position; I have written 1000 words with quality for my thesis today. Yet when my eyes were blinded and clouded, I could see nothing. It is until the moment when I stop doubting God, life has suddenly become so rich and beautiful. My heart can rest, and I can give thanks to Him for what He has done in my life.

This is the power of collective prayer. When we pray, God works, and He will minister to us.

Today is the end of May, and tomorrow is the starting of a new month. A new month, and a new beginning, and I should start my quiet time again. May God grant me more faith in Him.

阿飛正傳

This movie has suddenly appeared in my house, for no reason. Therefore, given that it was a famous movie in my teens time, I have it watched during my dinner yesterday to kill my night. Unfortunately, not only have it killed my night yesterday, but also my daytime today, as the music and the scenes are still lingering on my mind. A 懷舊 movie that reminiscent the past times are normally attractive, though dwelling too long on the abyss will dispirit and degenerate people.

An inspiration for you to bring your comb, to gel your hair, and to wear your watch.

樹欲靜而風不息

樹欲靜而風不息，星欲亮而雨不停；
憶欲逝而念不清，思欲歇而絮不寧；
情欲断而夢不休，心欲動而际不容；
君欲侍而力不歸，骨欲傲而志不明。

A time to think home?

I haven't been back to the place where I have grown up for almost 4 years. During my five and a half year stay in UK, I went back home twice. Contrary to the excitment that the others have experienced when flying back or holiday, I didn't want to go, but I had to. The first time was the death of my grandmother, and I went back to HK for a week. Another time was to attend the my mum's wedding. It was 4 years ago.

In the past 4 years, I didn't particularly miss home. I could see my parents each year as they had flew to UK to stay with me for a while. Besides, if I had decided to fly back to HK, where should I stay? My dad place, or my mum place? It's a thorny issue. Most importantly, I had a purpose to stay in UK. During the past 4 years, though time went very fast, I found my life fulfilling and fascinating. Every moment was so precious, that I want to hold it and I was afraid that the momentum will change if I had decided to be away for a long time. I didn't waste my past 4 years, and I could boast and give honour to God for what He has done in my life.

Yet now comes a time that I have started to miss the place where I had grown up in the first twenty-one years of my life. My parents want me to stay near to them. My old friends that I have still kept in touch have called me to go back.

During the past 4 years, God has poured out many blessings to the fellowship to which I belong. I am still serving as a leader. However, I felt that I have already poured out what I have to the fellowship. I have runned out my idea and these days I found it difficult to add something new to the fellowship. Or more preciously,though I still have a heart, I feel more and more inadequate to move the fellowship forward to a new level that is beyond the current bottleneck. Perhaps it is more about the spiritual level. Yet the fellowship need something fresh. This should be our prayer.

Just see how's the results of the coming interview in 2 weeks time. I should treat it as a sign.

Perhaps Love

Today I have received an email from my friend that he is going to get marry. We are in the same year, and we have served together at the Gospel Folk Group when we were in the university. It seems that the group is going to dedicate a song to him for his marriage, and the name of the song is 'Perhaps Love'.

It's a good song to dedicate to the marriage couple. This song has buried from my memory for a long time. I have learnt this song from the Gospel Folk Group during my undergraduate time. The songs has echoed many. Retrieving the lyrics today provide me with some resonance in my heart.

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

Perhaps ... there are too many perhaps in our life.

Telephone Interview

Tonight an editor of a christian youth magazine has conducted a telephone interview with me, and I was being asked the following questions.

1. Under what circumstances did I realise that I have to serve God in my life?
2. What are the most memorable moments of serving God in the past?
3. Have I ever experience discouragement in serving God? and what keep me and motivate me to continue to serve God during trials?
4. What do I want to do for God in my future?

Sometimes it is very difficult to single out a particular event in my life to answer the above, as it was a cummulative and continuous process. Though my answer is very dis-organised, I thank God that He has allowed me to rethink on this fundamental question of why I was still serving God now, given that my mind these days has diverted away to many others things in the world.

I don't have the full answer at this moment. I only know that without God, I will not be the same person as I am now.

On the Positive Outlook of Serving

There are sometimes that we will feel a bit low when things that you have planned didn't turn up into your expectation. It is easy for us to momentarily resign into disappointment. Yet sometimes if we can be brave to face it and have the mental strength to think positively after some cooling down period, God can get rid of all the negative accusation that stem from Satan and our negative permissism, and make our soul freshed and renewed. Look like a self-help strategy, yet God always want us to trust that He is our only God. Like a parent want his children to be happy in their life, God want us to have His joy and peace in our heart. He will be glad if our soul to be refreshed and free. He will be sadden when our soul was indulged with sorrow and disappointment. So the Lord is our strength, to break us from the bondage of negative thinking.

So this is about our attitude to serve God. It is very easy to feel disappointed when serving Him, especially if we are aiming for perfection. Yet in the end of day, the Lord know what is the best. When we try our best, it's already perfect in God's eye. If God is willing, the impact will be much bigger than what we have imaged according to His timing. Of course, if our sacrifice is not the best for Him, then it is our own problem and we should repent. This raise another issue, why should we have to sacrifice our best to serve Him?... well... maybe God want us to offer like Abel but not Cain , or maybe this is the issue of our outlook towards life. 'I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.'(Gal 2:20)

Maybe our plan of future life, is to live a life that we never regret. Well...pouring our life wholeheartly to God will never be regretted.